Reviews: some thoughts.

Listen: The worst part about reading movie reviews is also the worst thing about writing them - synopses. I don't mean to say that all reviews should assume the reader is already familiar with a movie's premise, but when I have to read any more than 4 sentences describing what happens in a movie then I have already closed the browser window 2 sentences ago. So, here's my promise: I will not waste anyone's (least of all not mine) precious fucking time going over the minutiae of a movie's happenings. Do you want to know what happens in Star Wars? Watch Star Wars, or read some asshole's breakdown on any one of millions (literally) of websites on the Internet. If a movie is good I'll tell you so, and then you can watch it and then you'll know what happens. If a movie is bad (more likely) you will know because I told you so, and you don't have to watch it anymore. If you catch me spending more than one lean paragraph exclusively telling you what a movie is about then either you've got a different idea of what a lean paragraph constitutes, or I've screwed up. No spoilers, either.